The demon within
by DutchFangirl
Summary: This story takes place right after the ending of season nine, Dean wakes up not knowing he's a demon. He wants to know what happened and how he's going to cope with this new life.
1. Chapter 1

**The demon within Chapter one**

Dean woke up from a bad dream, it had to be a dream. Crowley couldn't really be in this room telling him he became a demon. He refused to believe that he finally became what he hated the most.  
"You can't just ignore me" He heard the voice on his right side, the same voice he heard in his dream. He looked to his right and there he stood, Crowley, Dean jumped from the bed and heard something clatter to the floor. As he looked down he saw the first blade lying at his feet. This couldn't be real, he was dead right? Metatron killed him so why was he back in the bunker with the first blade and Crowley standing on the other side of his bed.

"How the hell did you get here and what the hell are you doing here" Dean said to Crowley. Crowley just stood there grinning at him, Dean wanted to wipe the grin of his face. He summoned the blade and jumped over his bed. But Crowley already disappeared before his feet touched the ground.  
"Calm down there, you didn't think I would let you kill me did you?" Came Crowley's voice from behind him. "You're one of my minions now Dean."  
"I'll never be one of you ugly sons of bitches!" Dean screamed at Crowley.  
"O Dean but you already are." Crowley said just before he disappeared.

Dean sat back down on his bed, whatever Crowley said couldn't be real, he still wanted to kill every monster he came across. He wouldn't want to kill his own kind would he? He got up from the bed to just splash some water in his face and find Sam. Walking around the bunker he found Sam sitting at one of the desks drinking.  
"I believe I'm the one that's supposed to do the heavy drinking here Sammy."  
Sam's head just flew up and he looked at Dean like he'd seen a ghost. Then he looked again, stood up and grabbed his demon knife. He came running for him and tried to stab him. Dean could barely evade his attack.  
"What's this, is this how you greet your brother after he died?" Dean asked.  
"You're not my brother you black eyed son of a bitch!" Sam spat at him.  
"What do you mean Sammy hey it's just me, look." He took Sam's knife and cut himself only to find that his flesh started to smoke and it hurt a lot more than it should have. With a look of surprise on his face he dropped the blade and ran for the bathroom mirror. He looked at his face but saw someone else staring back at him. That someone else did have his face but the eyes were black, as black as a demon's . Dean screamed at the mirror and smashed it.  
So it wasn't a dream at all, Crowley was sitting in his room telling him about Cain and the first blade. How he had became a demon after killing himself with the first blade. Angry Dean went into the room were he last summoned Crowley, he had some questions het wanted answered and Crowley was the only one who could.

"It won't work, I've tried it already before you turned up with black eyes." Sam said behind him. Sam started to say more, but Crowley appeared.  
"Do I need to become a demon too, to make sure you come to me?" Sam asked Crowley with an angry voice.  
"Well moose you were one of us once as the vessel of Lucifer but you turned the job down so we don't want you anymore." Crowley said.  
"Besides, we have your brother now, a killing machine so I don't need any other demon than him. He is the best guard I can wish for." He said with a smile as if he just won the lottery.  
Dean looked at Crowley with disgust in his eyes. "I'll never be your guard you sick son of a bitch." He said. Dean started to leave the room before he remembered he had some questions for Crowley. With his back to him he asked: "Why didn't you tell me this? Why did you let me become this monster?"  
"Well first of all I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't do it if you knew, second of all do you really think you would have listened to me at that moment?" Dean turned around and faced Crowley, there was so much rage inside him. Before he knew what happened he had the first blade in his hands. How did it get here? He never summoned it from this far before, confused Dean looked at his hand holding the blade.  
" You see Dean you and the blade are inseparable, you need each other to live." Crowley said, but Dean didn't want to hear any more about it. With the blade still in his hands he ran outside. He needed fresh air to clear his mind.

"You know you can't run away from this." He heard Crowley's voice behind him. The last person he wanted to talk to right now was Crowley. Dean needed time to think about what had happened to him. Without looking back he just walked away. He heard Crowley saying something about never being able to run away from the mark or the blade but he shut him out. He needed time to figure out what he was going to do with his life now that he was a demon. He couldn't go back to Sam, he would never trust him and why would he? They spent their lives learning not to trust a demon, Sam did it once and that started the apocalypse. And now he decided to trust Crowley to help them kill Abbadon and look what happened. He became a freaking demon, he suddenly had to urge to kill someone. But deep down there was a little part of Dean inside still fighting that urge.

Afraid that that part of him might not run on for very long he knew he had to lock himself up. If he didn't kill the mark would kill him right? That's what Crowley said when they spoke before his confrontation with Metatron. But where would he be safe enough? He knew that they had a safe place for him in the bunker but he didn't think Sam would help him kill himself even if he became a demon. On the other hand it was the only place he could go. He took in a deep breath and started walking back to the bunker.

"Well, well what have we here, a little Winchester out on his own." Came a voice from somewhere behind him. Dean whirled around and faced the voice, it belonged to a demon, a low life soon to be dead demon if it was up to Dean. The demon took one good look at him and spotted his black eyes. "Are my eyes deceiving me? Is the great Dean Wichester a demon now?" he started laughing manically.  
"I'll never be one of you, you can go straight back to hell!" Dean shouted while he run at the demon with his first blade held up high. He chopped off his head and he felt the rush while he did it. This is what the blade and the mark wanted from him. To kill and destroy as many things as it could find. Disgusted with his self Dean fell on his knees beside the body of the demon and started sobbing. He may look like a demon but it didn't feel like he was one. While he sat there, he could feel a little hope blooming inside him. Maybe he and Sam could find a way to reverse what had happened to him. Maybe there was a way to save him. He stood up and started walking back to the bunker hoping that Sam would help him get his humanity back.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

When Dean came back to the bunker Sam wasn't there, he looked everywhere but all the places he looked were empty. He sat down at one of the desks, his head in is hands. What should he do? Should he lock himself up? The problem was the demon trap, if he locked himself in en stepped into the demon trap he couldn't get out anymore. Although this was his first plan he knew that if Sam didn't get home he would never get out of the trap. But if he didn't step into the trap he wouldn't be able to control himself. The high he got from killing the demon already started to fade and he started to feel the urge to kill again.

He tried calling Sam but he wouldn't pick up, that could mean two things either he didn't want to pick up or he hadn't heard his phone. Dean was afraid to think it but he believed that Dean didn't want to pick up his phone. He didn't want to talk to Dean anymore now he was a demon. There was only one other person he hoped would help him: Castiel. Castiel knew all of the stories even about Cain so maybe he could help him. The only problem was that he didn't know where Castiel was and how to find him now he was a demon. Praying to him probably wouldn't work so he had to think of something else. The problem was he didn't know what else he could do to find Castiel, it wasn't as if he could go out and hunt the angel down. He would need a point to start and he didn't have one.

He started to feel like this was a hopeless case, he would be a demon forever and there was nothing he could do about it. He might as well lock himself up and step inside the trap maybe he would die a quick dead and stay dead this time. He stood up en decided that he would have just one more drink and then he would step inside the trap.

As he made his way to his prison, he heard a door closing. He walked back to the entrance of the bunker and saw Sam standing at the top of the stairs. He looked surprised like he didn't believe Dean would have come back. There was a brief moment of doubt on Sam's face and Dean thought for the first time that it was a stupid idea to come back here. But Sam's face changed, he walked towards Dean. Dean backed up because he was afraid Sam would try to kill him again. Instead Sam grabbed him and hugged him tight.  
"I know I'm supposed to kill you, but I can't." Sam said. He let Dean go and stepped back, not knowing what to do now they just stood there looking at each other in an awkward silence.

After a couple of minutes Dean started to smile, he looked at Sam and saw he was smiling too. Even though Dean was a monster at the moment they seemed closer than they had been for a while. But he knew that it wouldn't be like this forever, at some point the blade would make him kill again and who said it wouldn't be Sam he would go after next. He looked at Sam again and spoke about his fear.  
"Crowley told me that the blade will make me kill again, although I don't want to the urge to do so is just to strong." He saw the change in Sam's face the moment he spoke out loud. It seemed like the truth finally settled in with Sam, that he knew that although he was his brother he was never safe from him. "I thought it would be a good idea to put me in the demon trap, at least at night, that way you can sleep safely without wondering if I would be coming for you that night." Dean said to Sam. Although it was hard to admit for him he knew that if he didn't do it, Sam would never be safe again because he already knew that he wouldn't be able to resist the call of the blade to kill. Sam just nodded and together they walked through the bunker to their dungeon where the devil's trap was. Dean looked at Sam one more time and stepped over the line of the devil's trap. He thought that he would feel different but he didn't, he felt like he could leave the trap just as easy as he walked in.  
"Are you sure this is going to work?" Sam asked Dean. It was as if he felt that the trap wouldn't work and Dean wasn't so sure about it himself. So he tried to leave the trap, he walked to the edge of the trap feeling nervous. As he lifted his foot to step over the line he felt a invisible barrier. It resisted him for a little bit, but with a little effort he could just step out of the trap. Sam and Dean looked at each other with horror in their eyes. The demon trap wouldn't stop him, he could walk out if it at any given time.  
Why did the trap not work on you Dean, what kind of freak demon are you?" Sam asked in horror. Sam looked horrified, as horrified as Dean felt. This meant that nothing would stop him, or at least a demon trap wouldn't. How could Dean keep Sam safe if the trap didn't work?  
"I don't know Sam." Dean said, and then her remembered his meeting with Cain. He had charged him with his demon knife but it didn't work on him. He looked at Sam in horror, if that didn't work on him what would?  
"you're right Sam I am a freak!" I don't think any of the stuff we know to hurt or trap demons is going to work on me." Reluctantly Dean told Sam about his meeting with Cain and how the knife didn't work on him.

After Dean was finished with his story he looked at Sam again, there was one question he knew he needed to ask but he couldn't find the courage. Would Sam be able to stay with him as his brother if he knew that Dean needed to kill in order to stay alive? Because he didn't know if he could even live with himself like this. Sam noticed that Dean was watching him and raised his eyebrow in question. He knew that this was the moment to ask him, somewhere deep inside he hoped his brother would turn him away. That he would give Dean a reason to go on a killing spree, even thinking about killing made him ache for the blade.  
"You know I can't stop killing right?" Dean asked Sam. He saw the look in Sam's eyes change from worried to angry.  
"What do you mean you can't or you won't?" He asked angrily. Dean took a sharp breath even though he knew Sam would say something like this it still hurt him.  
"I can't Sammy, if I stop killing I die!" He shouted at Sam. Sam got a surprised look on his face.  
"If I stop killing I'm going to get sick and just puke out my insides, when you guys locked me up I started puking. Crowley told me then that I had to continue killing in order to keep on living."  
Now that this burden was off his chest Dean felt relieved somehow, but one look on Sam's face and he knew this discussion wasn't over yet.  
"Well we could go back on the road again and start hunting things, would that work?" Sam asked. Of all the things he imagined Sam saying to him this wasn't on the list. He expected shouting and threatening to throw him out but never thought Sam would propose starting hunting again. He didn't even know if he could trust himself with the blade, still afraid that in the heat of the fight he would as easily turn on his brother as he turned on his enemy.  
"I don't know if it's enough, I don't know if I can control myself when we start hunting, I'm afraid I might hurt you once the blade get's a hold on me. " Dean said to Sam.  
"Well maybe we won't need to bring the blade we didn't need it before." Said Sam. But Dean knew he couldn't leave the blade behind, he had to bring it with him. He wanted to walk away from this situation, to just leave and never see his brother again if that meant it would keep him safe. But he could never give up the blade, he knew then and there that the blade was like an addiction. No not the blade, the killing was. The feeling he got when he killed someone or something with the blade was exactly how he thought it would feel to be high on drugs. Not that he ever tried any drugs, his father thought him to always stay alert when he was on a hunt. Although he did drink himself, even on the job. How he wished he could ask his dad for advise right now, his dad probably wouldn't talk to him knowing what he became. He would just find a way to kill him, just like every other demon or creature he came across. The fact that Sam was willing to help Dean proved just how different he and their dad were.  
"I don't know if I can leave the blade, but I'm willing to give it a try." Dean saw that this answer satisfied Sam for the moment and felt relieved that Sam wasn't anything like their dad.

After they talked about finding new cases so Dean had a chance to feed his addiction as Sam jokingly said there was just one problem they hadn't figured out just yet. Where would Dean sleep, he didn't trust himself enough to just stay in the bunker. But Sam wouldn't hear anything about it, Dean would sleep in his own bed. He would sleep with a weapon just as he always did. Sam was confident that Dean wouldn't hurt him. That their family bond would prevent Dean from attacking him. Dean wasn't so sure but he agreed with Sam that he would stay at the bunker.  
just before they went to bed, Sam turned to Dean and he knew that there would be one more question to be answered before they would go to bed.  
" What happened to your anti-possession tattoo? Do you still have it or is it gone?" Dean didn't expect this question and het hadn't even thought about it, he pulled down his shirt but the tattoo was still there.  
"What if the tattoo is keeping the demon inside now and not letting it out? What if it's trapped by the symbol?" Sam asked.  
That's something else Dean hadn't thought about, what if the reason the demon stayed inside him was the tattoo? On the other hand, how could the demon even get inside him with the tattoo still on his chest?  
"I don't know Sammy, I don't know." He said. Sam turned around and walked to his room, Dean did the same. He lay on his bed, the same bed he woke up on, with black eyes and Crowley standing over him. He didn't fall asleep that night, he just stared at the ceiling of his room.

**So this chapter is finished let me know what you think!**


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